I remember that, back in Poland, shitty was a frequently used word. Not so much because we didn’t possess enough vocabulary skills as to describe an unpleasant or annoying experience, but because it felt so good to use it.

So, in the memory of those sunny times, I will describe my day today as thoroughly shitty. Actually, it felt so bad that at a certain point that I was on the verge of crying, yet, when one is in an office full of strangers, the comfort of crying is a luxury one cannot afford.

So I nervously stood there at my desk, wiping the stubborn tears away, staring at the monitor, hoping that nobody cared. Luckily for me, nobody actually did care. Weird as it may seem, I had this strong feeling early in the morning that this day was going to be very long and painful. But I tried to chase that feeling away, because I’m one of those people who, if they get depressed, they cannot snap out of it too soon. In vain. The feeling was there with me, as disturbing as an malignant tumor.

To start with, my day was shitty because although I spent a whole evening listening to an interview I took yesterday, I didn’t manage to write the necessary 12.000 signs, for the two pages of interview that I have to write. My interviewee was Ilie Serbanescu, a well-known economical analist. At the beginning he seemed very nice and charming, but, as I went on with my questions, he started closing down on me, just like an Alzheimer patient, who, one moment remembers your name and your relationship, and the next asks you: “Who are you?”. So, he started to answer in a sentence to a three sentence question, and, no matter how hard I tried, he wouldn’t open up.

Last question, for example:

Me: To round things up, Mr. Serbanescu, what are your other hobbies, besides Economics?

Him: Mountaineering.

Me: I see. So you are a lover of the wilderness?

Him: Yes.

Me: And how often do you go in the mountains?

Him: 40 times a year.

Me: 40 times a year! That’s remarkable!

Him: Oh, well…

So, you can see why this day started by being shitty. Next shitty moment. I received some materials from a colleague at work, the guy whom I have replaced as an editor-in-chief. I have made this remark so that you know that our relationship is tense, although this is not my fault. Look, I know that if I had an important position, and I would be dismissed, I wouldn’t actually be friends with my replacer, but I would concentrate my energy on seeing where I went wrong, rather than on hating that person from the bottom of my heart.

And this guy acts really childish sometimes. Not long ago, he didn’t answer my calls, whenever I needed him, although I was his boss (so to say), pretending that he didn’t hear his two phones (!) ringing, because he was listening to some music. Ok, I said to myself, I’ll get over that, it’s natural for guys with big egos to take a lot of time to heal (if they ever do). But not anymore.

Today I had to call him because he had sent me a too small picture, and I always get into trouble with the lady who does the editing whenever I give her tiny pictures. So I explained that the picture was wrong, but he took it personally, again, telling me that he has been here and knows the rules. Well, enough! I really respect him as a journalist, because he has a witty and alert style, but as a person, he is merely a child, not willing to accept his flaws, not willing to take advice, and too self-conceited and arrogant. So I will not tolerate his haughtiness and his mockery anymore, telling myself that he is not over his failure and that he needs time to adjust. He should really start acting his age, because I have enough shitty moments and I don’t need his kindergarten attitude.

But, yes, this was shitty, too. And wait, there’s more. Today is pay day, which is really good for me because I really don’t have any money left, and a huge debt to pay. I actually spent my last money on rabbit food yesterday evening, and on a yogurt for me this morning. Needless to say that I had already imagined the dainties which I will buy myself tomorrow from the market place, and the yummy lunch I would take thanks to my salary. And guess what! Yep, as I’m writing these lines my stomach is aching because of my hunger. I was the only one at the office today not to take her salary, because the accountant put it on my card, while he gave everybody else cash. Good news, I’ll have it by Monday. Bad news, I’m starving! So, shitty again!

And, the last but not least shitty thing today. My boss just informed me that a friend of mine, who worked with us, will not receive her salary this month. I was dumbfound! But she worked here for the last month constantly, and her articles were always interesting and on time, I tried to reason with my superior. But he wouldn’t have it. And the explanation really took me aback. It’s because two months ago, when her grandma died, he paid her half the salary, although she had quit her job, but he hoped that this would make her come back. I remember the day I gave her that half of the salary, she was so happy, she didn’t expect such a gesture at all! And now, after she came back to work for us for one month, he thought it was payback time. I’m still very much dissapointed in him..

So, there you have it. Now I’m too tired to cry, after typing and calling people all day long. Actually I’m so tired and unfortunate that I don’t even want to go home. I’m getting really tired of egotistic and self-centered people. Ok, maybe I’m like that myself, but at least I try to care.